(no subject)

[hallavaris]

I don't know why it is so hard.

I've tried to make my home look home today. But i feel so exhausted inside out. I just would like to go to bed, hide under the blanket and stay there forever. I feel like crying without any real reason but feeling so bad all the time.

And yet, I know things are ok, I'm here, you're there and autumn is on its way. My life will be back in balance sooner or later.. I just don't know when.

I wonder if I'm still mentally trying to hold on to the past or why do I feel so weak when trying to start anew? I know I'll feel great when everything is done and beautiful, and home feels home again.. so why do I linger in this empty feeling of rootlessness? Why does it feel like an enormous burden to make things right even though I know I don't really want to feel this bad?

Is it that I did not give myself enough time to cry? Is it that I no longer know myself and my life? Sometimes it seems so and it scares me so much.. scares me to drift so far apart from everything I ever knew.. Building it all anew might mean that I accept the loss.. Why can't I accept it? Because I'm not sure how deep it goes, how much do I have to lose..

Comments

[hunaja.livejournal.com]

But you *do* know what´s the problem, you just said it yourself.:) *hugs* And that´s the thing about being a wise woman- to REALLY KNOW. You have all the strength you need to get over it.

But then again, I´m here to share the general moodiness, standing still and getting all greyish blue. Maybe we´ll just have to survive with the thought of eventually getting there, on the other side. Even if we don´t know when that will be.

I´ll have me some noodles and jasmine tea now...and a bergamot bubble bath! Pamper yourself some, too, won´t you?:)

Lots of love, sister mine.

[bluebelly.livejournal.com]

Those are some big changes and big achievements you've been doing, lady.
Maybe if building your new home gets too consuming, you could ask a friend to come and help you?
Wishing you a beautiful evening...

[trinblackbird.livejournal.com]

It takes a lot of time and patience to adjust to any major changes in your life, don't worry sweet pussycat...you are going through 'old endings and new beginnings'. it just takes a while for the waves of change to settle after there's been such a storm on the sea. Soon you shall sail into calmer waters and get the hang of rowing your own little boat.

Much love to you my dear.

(When shall i be hearing from you again? Or is it my turn to write? Want me to write first?)

[firelite.livejournal.com]

Don't worry so much, sweetheart. Have you purified your place? And more importantly, have you purified yourself? When I'm going through troubled times, ritual always seems meaningless to me. But when I almost force myself to do it, it gives me a feeling of secureness and peace, a feeling that things are set the right way and that it is I who am in control of my own life. Your text seems like maybe you are lacking this inner consciousness of your own power: you "know" it's there, but you don't KNOW it through every cell of your body?
*BIG BIG HUG*

[tindomerel.livejournal.com]

I think that's true. I have purified my home but I definitely need some kind of a ritual to strenghten myself, to be in touch with my inner energy. I will do it soon, maybe even today.. I bought myrh and benzoe so i can make some insence and I really want to make a full ceremonial magic circle.