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Aug. 28th, 2007 10:31 amLast night before I fell asleep I figured out a perfect solution for my work problems. I'll win in the lottery and then I can quit my job, write my thesis and have a life...
This morning I called for the number I got from my workmate and it was good to talk with a sympathetic person about the situation. She told me we have a right to refuse to do any extra jobs that are not mentioned in our work contract. She was also concerned about the situation and gave me a number to a person who could help us to solve it.. I will talk with my workmate today and see what she thinks and then I'll contact this person. I admit I'm very scared of my boss' reaction when she hears that I've contacted other people and I have a bad feeling that she will do her best to make it seem like we are incompetent while it is actually her. That's where she's good at; blaming others for her own mistakes.
I feel kind of small these days.. ("today I am a small blue thing...") I've lost my appetite. And I really long for someone to hold me for a while. Somehow everything would be so much easier to bear if there was someone to hug me and care for me and sing for me a bit after work. I hold myself, I sing for myself but I miss human touch, closeness and comfort. It felt good to fall asleep my head next to a purring cat who was pressing so close that I wondered if he'll suffocate me while I sleep.
But I'm not thoroughly unhappy or depressed. I'm still enjoying life's little pleasures, still seeing colours and brightness of the days, velvet darkness of the nights, still dreaming and smiling.. but I kind of hate that in the back of my mind I've started to count the days, to make the weekends arrive sooner. Living for 2 days of 7 doesn't sound quite right to me... Well, maybe I'll feel better next week when i start swimming again.. at least it means I'm keeping myself busy with good things.. the quiet prayer song course is starting again as well. I really feel I need something peaceful and therapeutic to tune away the thoughts of troubles.
This morning I called for the number I got from my workmate and it was good to talk with a sympathetic person about the situation. She told me we have a right to refuse to do any extra jobs that are not mentioned in our work contract. She was also concerned about the situation and gave me a number to a person who could help us to solve it.. I will talk with my workmate today and see what she thinks and then I'll contact this person. I admit I'm very scared of my boss' reaction when she hears that I've contacted other people and I have a bad feeling that she will do her best to make it seem like we are incompetent while it is actually her. That's where she's good at; blaming others for her own mistakes.
I feel kind of small these days.. ("today I am a small blue thing...") I've lost my appetite. And I really long for someone to hold me for a while. Somehow everything would be so much easier to bear if there was someone to hug me and care for me and sing for me a bit after work. I hold myself, I sing for myself but I miss human touch, closeness and comfort. It felt good to fall asleep my head next to a purring cat who was pressing so close that I wondered if he'll suffocate me while I sleep.
But I'm not thoroughly unhappy or depressed. I'm still enjoying life's little pleasures, still seeing colours and brightness of the days, velvet darkness of the nights, still dreaming and smiling.. but I kind of hate that in the back of my mind I've started to count the days, to make the weekends arrive sooner. Living for 2 days of 7 doesn't sound quite right to me... Well, maybe I'll feel better next week when i start swimming again.. at least it means I'm keeping myself busy with good things.. the quiet prayer song course is starting again as well. I really feel I need something peaceful and therapeutic to tune away the thoughts of troubles.
