grrrrrrrr

Today was just awful day at work. The children were so restless, there was too much to do and such hectic chaos to deal with. Some of the teachers complained about stupid things, my boss being the most unhelpful and irritating, one of the mothers being a pain in the arse because her son was behaving badly (she was blaming us for it because the boy was wearing a long sleeved sweater even if it was very hot.. wtf? He's 7 years old and I would think children of that age know when they feel too hot or cold) and one of the girls picked up at 5.. so I had to stay 15 minutes extra time again (so far I've been working 15 minutes extra every day now and no, I don't get paid for it.. I just need to take it off some other time).

But I saw the boy today. And my heart kind of exploded with love. I had not seen him since spring, his last day in the club. He did not notice me  today but I was so happy to see him again, to be in the same space. Even if we no longer associate my love for him has not vanished away.

I have started to feel like drinking wine at home alone. Just a glass or two now and then. To unwind. It feels special somehow.

And I think I shouldn't read scary books home alone in the evenings.. I start to imagine things. But it is funny how something isn't scary at all at daytime but at night it is completely different matter.. I guess my imagination is too good. But I have a new method against fear. I embrace it and fill myself with love and somehow it keeps all the boogie men at ease..