(no subject)

I was in the archives today. It's hard job but I will manage to do it all in time. Dyed my hair black again. It makes me feel better for some reason... I bought 4 Placebo CD's today. I've been listening to them all evening. Tomorrow my Spanish pen friend will arrive. I feel quite out of words. He's really nice but I've been too stressed out to really think about his visit and how it'll be. Maybe I'm not the best host when there's so much to do at the same time.. I'll just let him hang around.

My belly looks much bigger than yesterday. It's interesting feeling to live alone with my cats again. I've kept myself busy. I was going to burn the purification insence but I'm out of coals. Pity. I've been cutting pictures for art collages from old science magazines. I'm late with my swaps but somehow I have no inspiration right now. I would like to read more D.N.Angel manga or something sweet and lovely. But I've been reading poems instead. And trying out clothes. Dressing up. I'm not completely happy about the way I look. It is weird how many different shapes I have. Like a hundred different persons in one. Today I've been seeing the fat and uncomfortable one. But it did not prevent me from cooking a delicious halloumi salad for dinner. I have all the right to be fat. I have all the right to be beautiful & pretty even if my breasts are too small compared to my belly and thighs and I'm not the right pretty kind of fat. I don't have to wear make-up to feel good about myself. Quite the opposite really these days. I must concentrate on how I feel. And I must sleep enough. I have right to live and be. This is what I've chosen.